if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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