this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
