Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
