well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
