Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
