Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So much rum. So many feels.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
