Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
