Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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