we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
