either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
