found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
