I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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