I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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