get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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