Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
