Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
