Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
