My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
