whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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