Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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