why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
