hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
