Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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