I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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