Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
