Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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