OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
