He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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