Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
