Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
