I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
