I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize