why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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