He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize