You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
