I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
