what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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