duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
