MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
