it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
