You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
