My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
