K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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