we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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