Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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