What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
