No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
