Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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