my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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