I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
