When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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