Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
