My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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