My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
