I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she peed on how many people?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
