What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
