1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
