Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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