I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
