Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
