I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
3 2 1 whiskey
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
