I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
