I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize