Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
