bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize