I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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