Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize