she takes plan B like it's going out of style
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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