I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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