Where is the hickey?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
