I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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