So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
